Saturday, 10 December 2011

Finding Nemo - Sammi

WARNING: I have not edited this bad boy for the purpose of being both honest, and buzzed. Enjoy my bad spelling and grammar.

After giving Eric his amazing list of 5 movies to choose from, he reciprocated by giving me: 

Tommy Boy
Top Gun
Finding Nemo
Paul Blart: Mall Cop

Since I have no holiday spirit, I decided on “Finding Nemo”. Truthfully, I’ve only seen this movie once in my life. I owned the video game for Xbox, but always wanted to throw my controller through the TV when I reached the level with the sharks and landmines.


I decided that since this movie is basically about the ocean, I should only stick to drinking blue (ocean) and orange (clown fish colored drinks.. yeah I spell color the American way.. worst English major ever). Therefore I made the classy choice of drinking hypnotique and orange sour puss. 

Eric, obviously you think rasperberry sourpuss is superior to orange.. you are corrrrrrect my friend, orange was a CRAPPY CHOICE. This tastes like cough syrup. Mixed with hypnotique, this was the worst choice ever, but I named it AQUA MAN. Because no one likes Aqua Man, not even Aqua Man likes Aqua Man. 

The movie: 

- I decided that drinking a shot every time they said ‘Nemo’ would be a good idea. I was drunk about 15 minutes into the movie. 
- The beginning of the movie was so sad, I was both emotionally and physically ruined because I had one too many, and Nemo’s mom died. Had to pause the movie for both a few tears and to replenish my Aqua Man drank. 
- I would hate to have an unfunny clownfish as my father. Also, he totally ruined his child’s first day of school by being an overbearing stage mom. 
- How can that little fish be ‘h20 intolerant’? He lives in the ocean.. Wouldn’t he die?! 
- I want to ride a stingray to school. I think that’s the drink talking though, I’ll never forget what a stingray did to Steve Irwin. 
- I spent way too much time pondering about that fish’s allergy to water. I am progressively drunker as the movie progresses. 
- I would have ditched Dory about 10 minutes in. 
- William Dafoe’s voice scares me. He seriously makes the scariest fish. No wonder Nemo was so afraid of him. Sweet scar though. 
- I have decided William Dafoe is scary because I watched him in Anti-Christ and he was ejaculating blood. Yeah, his use in this children’s film is a little much for me. You can’t take back that image once you’ve seen that movie.
- Also… when they make Nemo crawl through the filter, do you think that’s considered child labor? I mean, by rights, these fish are breaking all kinds of laws. Yep. I think I’ve had too much to drink. 
- The tank gang’s initiation of Nemo… cult related? I think so. 
- MY BUBBLES! MY BUBBLES! I would be this fish, if I were to magically turn into a fish.
- SHARK BAIT.. HOO NA NA. I am laughing hysterically because it sounds funny. 
- Typical. Men don’t want to stop and ask for directions. Ohhhhhh blatent sexism in movies. Even better in children’s movies.


- Too drunk to fix anything, so I watch it in all it’s skipped glory. The dialogue is all wonky. 

- The disc gave out, and I find myself watching the DVD title page for 10 minutes. I decide to text Eric instead with SHARK BAIT HOO NANA! 

And.. it’s time to pass out after one too many Aqua Man’s. Did I mention I have to be up at 3:00am to catch an early flight to Vegas?? Such a champ, but I know once I get off the plane, it’s right to the casino bar for me. 

Until next time my friends, stay classy, and don’t ever mix hynotique with orange sourpuss. 

I forgot to take pictures, I promise for next round I will do that. But I’m not as pretty as Eric, so I can’t make any promises of their quality or merit. 

Happy Holidays, now I’m off to Vegas to lose all my money. 


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