Monday, 26 December 2011

A Christmas Carol - A Drunken Holiday Movie Review

So last night, was obviously Christmas. I hope that Santa was as good to you as he was to me. I am now the proud owner of a brand new MacBook air and I figured I would christen it by posting a drunken movie review.

I know that I’m deviating from the original movie list I was given, so consider this a little gift from me to you! In the spirit of Christmas, my family settled down to watch “Disney’s A Christmas Carol”. Now, I got all excited thinking that it was the version with Mickey and Goofy and all the other delightful original Disney characters, but no. This was the other more recent Disney version, where everything looks like the Polar Express. I don’t understand this type of animation. They make it look so realistic, that it’s a wonder why they don’t just hire real actors and film the movie.

Anyways... might I digress from bitching and get on with the review.

If you don’t know Charles Dickens “A Christmas Carol”, then you probably live under a rock. It’s the story of an old miser named Scrooge that finds his Christmas spirit after three ghosts haunt him. He suddenly becomes nice and everything is perfect and Christmas is saved.  Basically, it’s one giant CHRISTMAS MIRACLE…

Oh, and in the spirit of Christmas my family was drinking both cheap red wine, and margaritas. Nothing says Christmas like Patron and Jimmy Buffets margarita maker. I got this for my birthday last year and I have to say, everyone should buy their alcoholic friends one of these. They're genius.

General Observations:

  • -       Is Jim Carrey always going to play a grumpy person with no Christmas spirit? First the Grinch, and now this?! I guess after he’s been all those shitty movies (ie. Fun with Dick and Jane and Mr. Poppers Penguins) Jim seems to be hard up for work.

  • -       When I’m old and grumpy, I’m going to withdraw all my money from the bank and count my gold, just like Scrooge. I’ll spend my days counting money and hating people and life in general.

  • -       The animation seriously freaks me out. I think that Disney was just cheap and decided that animation would be easier because then they wouldn’t have to deal with any diva antics/scheduling follies with the actors.

  • -       I started reciting Charles Dickens to my family, because I am both drunk, and an English major and therefore have had Dickens shoved down my throat because he’s a literary geniuuuuuus.

  • -       Why does the ghost of Christmases past have a FLAME FOR A HEAD?! Seriously. Everyone else is a person, a grim reaper, and he’s a fucking candle?! Lamest ghost ever.

  • -       The ghost of Christmases present has the greatest laugh ever, although after about 10 minutes of him I want to throw something at the TV. No one can be that jolly, not even a ghost.

  • -       Also, the GOCP (ghost of Christmases present) sits on a pile of presents. That’s pretty pimp.

  • -       I’ll give this crappy movie a little merit by saying that I enjoyed how the ghost of the future was a shadow. It added to the creepy feeling of his whole presence.  

  • -       So… I decided that this movie isn’t about just Scrooge; it’s basically about all cranky old people in general.  

  • -       Wouldn’t Scrooge be freakin’ exhausted after his night with three ghosts!? When I woke up after that harrowing experience, I would probably just want to go for a nap, not go out and celebrate Christmas.

  • -       Also… when did Scrooge become so attached to Tiny Tim? I mean, before his ghost experience he didn’t even know the kid existed and then suddenly he’s like a second father to him!?

All in all, I give this two measly small snowballs out of five. I prefer the Muppets version of this movie, or even the original Disney version. Jim Carrey should probably quit making Christmas movies, and use his probably ginormous salary from Disney to make a new Ace Ventura movie.

I hope you all had a Happy Holiday. Until next time, I am going to go and drink more margaritas and try not to pass out under my Christmas tree.


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